Here's another one Fake Gay News didn't use.

Pat Robertson Blames Global Warming on Hot Air from Lesbian Talk Shows

During his 700 Club broadcast last Sunday, televangelist Pat Robertson told followers that proliferation of lesbian talk shows was the real cause of global warming.

“All those Ellens and Rosies on TV with their endless talk, talk, talk, are emitting harmful hot air into an already overheated atmosphere. And I predict that as soon as O’Donnell joins The View, Americans will feel the wrath of God in ways that make Hurricane Katrina look like a walk in the park.”

Robertson, like many powerful leaders from the Christian right, has, until now, agreed with the Bush administration on its stance that “the jury was still out” on the causes of global warming, and could not be credibly attributed to human interference. But in this startling turn-around he admitted, “I now firmly believe that people are the cause of the greenhouse effect and all its manifestations from polar meltdowns to freak storms. Not because good, Christian families exercise their God-given right to burn one gallon of gas for every ten miles they drive in their SUVs, but because gays just won’t stop the witty banter.”

Standing in front of a graphic illustrating hurricane activity during the last four decades Robertson said. “It’s clear that the frequency and severity of storms rose dramatically in the mid-1990s. And it’s no coincidence that this was the very time frame during which lesbian Rosie O’Donnell was hosting her daytime program. And don’t get me started on Ellen’s dancing. Talk is cheap, but aerobic activity really makes my blood — and God’s — boil.”

Don Righwood, a spokesperson from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration could not confirm the science behind Robertson’s theory. “As far as we can tell,” said Rightwood, “Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly spent years chatting up Merv Griffin and it never caused even one gloomy day — much less a category four hurricane.”

Still, Roberston, long noted for his thoughtful rhetoric — like when he called for the assassination of Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez or claimed to be able to leg press 2,000 lbs.— is not shaken by government statistics. “Science scmience,” he responded. “If we listened to scientists we’d all believe in evolution or that the earth was round. Sheesh!”

Robertson further admonished his flock for pushing the ratings of lesbian television programs into Emmy-winning territory. “Sure they seem like nice women. Sure they like children and care about the state of the world. Sure, they’re entertaining. But, that’s not what matters. What matters is that every time you tune into one of their shows, you’re not watching me. And if my ratings go down, there will surely be hell to pay.”